Are You Kidding Me?!

Are You Kidding Me?!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

An Apple for the Teacher?

Happy Hell Week Back to School Week! Today I will be discussing the happy, happy day when our kids start another school year. They are “transitioning”. Joy! They are wearing clothes they’ve outgrown but you haven’t replaced yet. Splendid! They will not have all the required materials when they show up today because, even though you had the list, you didn’t buy the stuff. Excellent! Their hair looks like a very large Brillo pad (or a very tiny wooly mammoth) is sitting on their head. Lovely!

Why is it, when I went to school, I had a brand new haircut (for better or worse), new clothes, new notebooks, folders, pencils, and pens, and a smile?

Or was I smiling for the camera then cried on the bus? Did I really get a new haircut or did my mom just throw my hair up in pigtails and slice my bangs with the kitchen shears?

No. I know I had new pencils and notebooks. I’m sure of it because I can remember the smell of the fresh pages (yes I sniffed my notebooks—paper smells awesome). I remember having long, sharpened pencils with those pointy colored erasers popped on the end. I think the rest of it must be true, too. I went off to school that first day every year all prepared and shit. My mom made sure of it.

Crap. I am dreading the “transition” (AKA bad behavior at home). Dreading the open house at school. Dreading parent / teacher talks. Dreading meeting with the “team” about IEPs and 504 plans. Dreading dealing with the administration. I wish someone would give me a poison apple. I would so take a bite.

Princey... Be a dear and wake me up in a month.