Are You Kidding Me?!

Are You Kidding Me?!

Monday, October 7, 2013

My Grievance With the Way You Mourn

Everyone grieves in their own way. That’s what they say. Do they also say I can get pissed at someone for not grieving the same way that I do? Kidding. No, I’m not. Really. It’s incredibly difficult to mourn with other people. Crazy, right? Maybe.

See, when you experience a loss, it is what it is to you. You feel what you feel. But you also want to be able to feel that and, when you have children, you have to hide and cry in locked bathrooms or closets. It’s weird. And wrong. And it makes me angry. It makes me feel like a child myself, frankly. I want to stomp my foot and shout “This is NOT FAIR!” I may have done that. I’m okay with it.

So back to the thing, you know, where I’m saying “Hey, you have to grieve the same way that I do!” What I mean by that is I want people, even children, to grieve in some way. It doesn’t have to be the exact same way as me but it should be something.

I don’t want to walk around my own house hiding my feelings. Is that what parents do? Is that good for children anyway? I mean, really. What are we teaching them? The children who are feeling something are going to see that it’s not okay to feel something. The ones who aren’t feeling anything are going to think that’s okay. They will think it’s okay to act totally normal around someone who is grieving. One will learn to bury his feelings. The other will learn a faux pas.

I think hiding “bad” feelings (which I’m going to go ahead and call “normal” feelings) is not a good idea. Not for either type of child mentioned above. Therefore, when they ask about the door that I ripped off the hinges, I’ll tell them I was grieving. Kidding. No, I’m not. Really. I’ll tell you that story another time. It’s funny. And true. And all me.