Deck the Halls (Or, Mopping the Floor With Well-Wishers)

Ah, it’s that time of year again. Crackling fires, snow forts, hot chocolate, and warm, wooly mittens. Makes you feel all happy inside, doesn’t it? Trees and wreaths. Stockings and santas. That’s great. Really. Have your happy holiday but, I swear, I’m not going to be decking the halls, I’m going to be decking the next person who indiscriminately says “Merry Christmas” or asks a child what santa is bringing her for Christmas.

Public service announcement #4

You celebrate Christmas. Good for you. That’s wonderful. Now take your fuzzy santa earmuffs off for just a second and listen. Not every family celebrates your holiday. Not every child writes letters to santa and gets toys from the north pole. So, please, stop saying “Merry Christmas” to people unless you know that they celebrate that particular winter holiday. And, for the love of the elves, please stop asking little kids what santa is bringing them unless you are completely, positively, and in all other ways certain that child is getting toys from santa. Capisce?