Deck the Halls (Or, Mopping the Floor With Well-Wishers)

Ah, it’s that time of year again. Crackling fires, snow forts, hot chocolate, and warm, wooly mittens. Makes you feel all happy inside, doesn’t it? Trees and wreaths. Stockings and santas. That’s great. Really. Have your happy holiday but, I swear, I’m not going to be decking the halls, I’m going to be decking the next person who indiscriminately says “Merry Christmas” or asks a child what santa is bringing her for Christmas.

Public service announcement #4

You celebrate Christmas. Good for you. That’s wonderful. Now take your fuzzy santa earmuffs off for just a second and listen. Not every family celebrates your holiday. Not every child writes letters to santa and gets toys from the north pole. So, please, stop saying “Merry Christmas” to people unless you know that they celebrate that particular winter holiday. And, for the love of the elves, please stop asking little kids what santa is bringing them unless you are completely, positively, and in all other ways certain that child is getting toys from santa. Capisce?

All Unattended Children Will Receive...

Maybe I have a strange sense of humor. Maybe I can't stand when parents let their kids run amok. Or maybe I'm someone who would put this up if I owned a candy store. Or, really, any business for that matter.

This is, by far, the very best sign I have ever seen in a candy shop--where kids (and parents) are very likely to be. You know what? I don't own a business but I do have a house. I love this and I want one for my home. I really do.

"All Unattended Children Will Receive A Cup Of Espresso And A Free Puppy"

Potty Humor and the Peloponnesian war

 Conversations with my 7-year-old.

“Can I read Big Nate?”

“No,” my husband responds. 

“Why? Because it’s inappropriate?”

“Yes, because it’s inappropriate. And I’ve told you this before.”

“I know but I thought you might have changed your mind since then,” he says.

“Changed my mind since last week?” My husband smirks. “No, I haven’t changed my mind. Just because you're able to read a book for older kids doesn't mean the content is something we want you reading."

My little one sighs and looks at my husband. “It’s not like I’m reading about the Peloponnesian War.”

No. It's definitely not like that. 

 

Just for the record, I did NOT teach my 7-year-old anything about the Peloponnesian War.